Some of those hurt my brain.
Well played Jim, well played.
Well played Jim, well played.
I gots a webcomic! http://yetanothercomic.com
Like a certain soon to be former president did.
What about the recent pageant-winner? Who said that the REASON so many americans can't find America on the world map is...
...that maybe they don't have maps?
-Fred
...that maybe they don't have maps?
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
Oh, she wasn't nearly that articulate. Here's the transcript:
Questioner: Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?
Miss Teen South Carolina: I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa or should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us.
Questioner: Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?
Miss Teen South Carolina: I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa or should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us.
In the old days we'd take people that stupid, out into the woods, shoot them dead and leave them for the wolves, simply so they would not be allowed to interfer with our evolution, no matter how pretty they look.
At least that's what I say happened in the past! So there!
-Fred
At least that's what I say happened in the past! So there!
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
This isn't a quote from someone famous, but it's the most stupid description of a computer problem that I've heard. . .and I was there! (No, it wasn't me who said it, since you're asking)
The guy having the computer problem was gone, so his manager was trying to describe the problem to the tech service guy, and he said (and I swear I heard this and I'm not kidding). . .
"He does something and it does something or something."
I challenge anyone to beat that for incompetence.
Life imitates Dilbert.
The guy having the computer problem was gone, so his manager was trying to describe the problem to the tech service guy, and he said (and I swear I heard this and I'm not kidding). . .
"He does something and it does something or something."
I challenge anyone to beat that for incompetence.
Life imitates Dilbert.
Never too late for coffee, never too early for beer.
Here's another stupid comment, which was, believe it or not, supposed to be a compliment from a guy to a girl:
"You're not as heavy as you look."
In my defense; 1) I was trying to state both that she was very light and very slim, however I failed miserably. I was in luck that she understood what I was trying to communicate, and she just broke down in complete hysterical laughter at it instead. And 2) I was very young at the time.
It has later gone into Fred Lore as the worst compliment ever given.
So yeah. Where's my sign?
-Fred
"You're not as heavy as you look."
In my defense; 1) I was trying to state both that she was very light and very slim, however I failed miserably. I was in luck that she understood what I was trying to communicate, and she just broke down in complete hysterical laughter at it instead. And 2) I was very young at the time.
It has later gone into Fred Lore as the worst compliment ever given.
So yeah. Where's my sign?
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
TIMELESS! Thanks heaps, JimJim the old guy wrote:These are real quotes from some very famous people. And they are STUPID!
WHEN YOU'RE FEELING STUPID, READ THIS!!
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life."
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A congressional candidate in Texas .
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I don't mean to steal your thunder but I need to add a few George Bush quotes, also referred to as Bushisms:
"You're working hard to put food on your family."
"Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die."
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
"And so in my state of the ... my state of the union ...or state .... my speech to the nation... whatever you wanna call it ... my speech to the nation ... "
"I know that human being and fish can coexsist peacefully"
"And america needs a military where our breast and brightest are proud to serve, and proud to stay"
"Barely is the question asked ... are .. is our children learning"
"Too many good docs are getting out of business ... too many OBGYN's aren't able to practice their ... love with women all across this country"
"There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee ... that says fool me once ... shame on ... shame on you ... ... ... fool me and you can't get fooled again."
All George Bush quotes ...
"I know that human being and fish can coexsist peacefully"
"And america needs a military where our breast and brightest are proud to serve, and proud to stay"
"Barely is the question asked ... are .. is our children learning"
"Too many good docs are getting out of business ... too many OBGYN's aren't able to practice their ... love with women all across this country"
"There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee ... that says fool me once ... shame on ... shame on you ... ... ... fool me and you can't get fooled again."
All George Bush quotes ...
I'm not fat ... I'm festively plump.