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Making friends

I've always sucked at making and keeping friends, which is ironic because my wife is like my polar opposite - she just walks into a room and everybody loves her and other women are insiting on exchanging phone numbers and going out to dinner with her etc. and she always seems to be able to maintain the best of the most serious friendships even across distances.

You would THINK that SOME of my wife's friends would have HUSBANDS that I'd have something in common with, but we either always have absolutely nothing in common, or the rare times we do, we're each so busy between our jobs and our families that we have to rearrange the fabric of the universe just to get to go out.

I don't know if any of you have seen the movie "I Love You, Man" but that main character is ME.

Sometimes I do think it's my fault, and sometimes I wonder if 40-year-old guys just aren't interested in making friends with other guys. Case in point, I play a lot of tennis - I join tennis clubs, I play on tennis "ladders" (which are basically a website where there is a list of people who play at your level and you can email any of them to set up a match) - you would think I'd meet guys I have something in common with - TENNIS - but a lot of the time I feel like they're not even interested in me for me, they're just on that ladder so they can have someone to hit the ball back to them when they're on the court.

I had one friend tell me "go on a singles cruise!" (I am ADDICTED to cruises - I may start another thread about that). Come on, are single 40-year-old men going on SINGLES cruises because they're looking to make "friends" with other "guys"? Maybe I'm cynical.

I'm just venting but if anyone has any thoughts I'll welcome them.
Understand you completely. I am a bookworm, have held jobs where not alot of people skills needed (thank goodness!), and would much rather do almost anything alone or with immediate family. This is my personality. How I met my husband and we hit it off so well still has me scratching my head. I still think it was the Tequila Rose vs. Jose Cuervo stand off that one night. That and our wonderful ability to mesh our odd sense of humor with motorcycle rides. Don't ask.

But I don't think being a bookworm is your issue. I think you have other interests you should look into. The cruises sound like that could be rather expensive. Maybe shoot a little simpler on the interest level? Here's what I've found helpful: I joined the YMCA and really like the exercise classes. There are now several people there who recognize me, smile and talk with me (sadly, I suck at names so I just go with it and it's nice conversations). Within this, I found I love martial arts and there are a whole slew of people with different backgrounds, lifestyles,and etc. that I've found some common ground with. Point to this is that joining the Y opened up newer experiences for me and I gained some wonderful aquaintences from it. No, I'm not into the BFF stuff that your wife is a magnet for (come to think of it, my husband is like that too), but there are now choices I never had before that I can choose to act on if I'm so inclined.

Maybe you just needed a cyberhug...
One Mean, Green-Eyed Fitch.
DalTXColtsFan, I'm very much in your situation. My wife, too, is the social one. I'm a bithead, nerd, geek, etc. I'm the epitome of Red Green's statement, "If the women don't find you handsome, let them at least find you handy". :mrgreen:

I think this happens in a lot of couples; a very social person hooks up with a pretty non-social person. I think it's part of the galactic balance :wink:

I've noticed something else too: it seems that a lot of the non-social people (me included) are people who basically feel content with their own company. IOW, they're fine on their own, at least for the most part. I love my wife and kids but, as long as I know they're around, and OK, I'm fine not seeing them for a while. That said, I would be lost without them.
Last edited by Tuco on November 09, 2014 • 8:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Your problem is that you're simply thinking to deeply about your social situation.

I'm as shallow a person as it gets and I haven't had a deep thought in over 15 years; that's probably why I'm so happy all the time.

Think about that for awhile.
Tuco wrote:Your problem is that your simply thinking to deeply about your social situation.

I'm as shallow a person as it gets and I haven't had a deep thought in over 15 years; that's probably why I'm so happy all the time.

Think about that for awhile.
Deep thought = 42.

There. Fixed your reply.
One Mean, Green-Eyed Fitch.
silvermitt: I almost never say no to cyberhugs! :)

Chandler: Oh, I certainly try to be handy lol!

Tuco: umm, thanks? (I *think*! :) )
Although, not totally absolute, I think to have your happiness dependent on someone else is a dangerous concept. I have been dating myself for the past few years and for the most part we've been getting along fine.
Bjyman wrote:Although, not totally absolute, I think to have your happiness dependent on someone else is a dangerous concept. I have been dating myself for the past few years and for the most part we've been getting along fine.

Glad to see I'm not the only crazy one around here.
@ DalTXColtsFan

here you will find friends male or female that will like you just because your a fan of tex.

now you mentioned you have trouble making friends with other males my suggestions are -

give up tennis
make some friends with females
Lynne
tex murphy is back in town
Tuco wrote:
Bjyman wrote:Although, not totally absolute, I think to have your happiness dependent on someone else is a dangerous concept. I have been dating myself for the past few years and for the most part we've been getting along fine.

Glad to see I'm not the only crazy one around here.
Not to discount craziness, but I mean it more in the expressionistic sense.