Unofficial Tex Murphy

We used to call these type of jokes 'fuzzy dog' stories. And here is another one.

This is an old one but maybe one that the 'younger generation' here has not heard' here yet.

A very wealthy man hires a young girl from a third world country as a maid. He tells her he is off to Europe and that he will be calling home to his wife so that when the call comes in, no matter what the wife is doing, the maid is to get her on the phone.
The man makes his trip to Europe and sure enough in the middle of the night for the wife, his call comes in. The maid answers the phone:

Man: Put my wife on the phone.
Maid: Well, errr, aaa, hhhaa
Man: What is the matter with you. I said put my wife on the phone no matter what she is doing.
Maid: Well, a--errr-aaah she is in her bedroom.
Man: Well, wake her up like I said no matter what she is doing.
Maid: Well, errr aahhh she is not alone and they are making a great deal of noise.
Man: WHAT!!!!!! WHO is in the bedroom with her?!
Maid: That man who came to sell you insurance.
Man: (After long pause) Tell you what I want you to do. Go up in my study, get that rifle off the wall and go into the bedroom and blow both of them away!
Maid: Oh Oh sir I just could not do that!
Man: Now listen Missy. You know how wealthy I am and how powerful I am. If you do this for me, I will see to it that you NEVER have to work a day in your life again. AND I can protect you from anything.
Maid: (Light suddenly goes on in her head) NEVER have to work again!
She promptly goes upstairs, gets the rifle, goes into the bedroom and proceeds to 'blow both parties away'.
Maid on phone again: Oh OH OH I am so nervous sir, I did it! I did it! Now what should I do with this gun?!
Man: No problem just settle down now - go out in the backyard and put the rifle in the lily pond there under some big pads. I will take care of it when I get home.
Maid: (After big hesitation) But but sir - we don't have a lily pond in the backyard here.
Man: OH? Really. Isn't this 1-800-345-8764?

How far 'off color' is permitted in jokes on this forum?

I think we can all handle a dirty joke. Except for maybe Fred (That guy needs to lighten up)

Well, I dont like to offend anyone so will test the waters off and on.

Used to be a dr.s wife and let me tell you the med. profession has some jokes!

Here is a cute one: How can you tell the happiest sperm in a group of sperm?

He's the one with 'egg on his face'.

Oh you sure know how to make laugh and have the good time, Freep I see what you did there!

Speaking of which, I'll tell you this much - women chatting is dirty business. I thought MEN could turn the air blue, but I swear, guys, we got nothing on'em. We are tiny grasshoppers compared to things women'll talk about when they're left to their own devices!

-Fred

Tell me about it.

Women utilise the technique of Generating an Overload of Social Stimulants Intent on Persecuting.... otherwise known as 'GOSSIP'... which all men Frantically Evade Amidst the Retaliation... or FEAR.

-Cub. =o)

*dies laughing*

Now THAT was a good one. Poor maid.

I've heard that "EU English" joke before. I think my English teacher showed it to the class about ten years ago.

For my own part, I've never heard any jokes in civilian life that were even close to what I've been subjected to in the army.

Have to speak up in defense of the fairer sex. Men gossip just as much only in a different way and call it by different names.

Some men gossip. But most (myself included) do not. I'm pretty sure Cub gossips all the time, from what I hear it stems from his alcohol abuse.

I can vouch for what Freep is saying here. He never gossips. Neither do I. In fact, I gossip a lot less than Freep does. It may be because he's feeling ballsy now that he's moving abroad for a broad.

-Fred

Think there is a thin line between open communication about an issue and gossip. For me the former seeks to resolve an issue without hurting anyone and the latter is self aggrandizement and will hurt people

We are all friends here, and what is spoken that sounds negative is as good as alway in jest. I heard rumors on the old boards about a some political arguments once, but that was many years ago, and should stay in the past.

Myself, I've yet to witness any real spite on these boards. Just love, tolerance, respect, funny avatars and the occasional drunken post. And I've been around for... what? Four? Five years? Something like that.

Oh, and the occasional good news from Aaron Conners and Adrian Carr, of course. Speaking of which, anybody heard anything through the grapevine or on the jungle-drums lately?

-Fred

I just read Aaron Carr's note on the board and found it highly enouraging if only that Access understands how we all feel about the Tex Murphy games. Do hope they can swing something in the future for old Tex.

Fred Buer wrote:Speaking of which, I'll tell you this much - women chatting is dirty business. I thought MEN could turn the air blue, but I swear, guys, we got nothing on'em. We are tiny grasshoppers compared to things women'll talk about when they're left to their own devices!

-Fred

That reminds me of a time during high school, on a bus trip back from a basketball game. We got into a dirty joke contest. The dirtiest came from the cheerleaders. . . . all girls. . . . in the '70's. . . . from a Catholic school, no less!