I always lurk. But I do check this web site at least twice a day just to see whats going on.
But hey, 3 Cards to Dead Time!!!
But hey, 3 Cards to Dead Time!!!
"If at first you don't succeed,
redefine sucess."
- Sowden
www.nineteenthstar.cjb.net
www.sowden.cjb.net
redefine sucess."
- Sowden
www.nineteenthstar.cjb.net
www.sowden.cjb.net
I've been away for a while, honestly don't know why. Been quiet the last few months, and withdrawn. Pretty bad when you don't even want to socialize on the computer, much less at all.
I got a doggy now though, and it's lifted my spirits.
If I can, I'll see if I can't get a cellphone pic to post on here. He's the cute, but gets into a lot of trouble. And for some odd reason that's just what I needed. Unfortunately it's not what he needs because I lack the firm hand for discipline. So he pretty much gets away with everything with a tongue lashing.
Glad to see you guys's posts. I have read some of them from time to time, but I know I missed a lot. I'd really like to give you an in depth look into my psyche and tell you why I haven't felt like posting, but I couldn't really tell you myself. I have a bad habit of making friends and abandoning them, with no fault from them. A real bad habit.
To any who may feel that way, I apologize, and can offer no real explanation other than sometimes I can become very anti-social. For months at a time. And it's been like this a lot since my father passed.
Now I know when it comes to any other message board out there in internet land that comes with the territory, and a blind eye is turned to people who do that because hey ... it's just a message board after all. But correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought this place was different. You can learn from the incredibly knoweldgeable and wise people here, laugh at the humor of others, and we all shared a passionate love for adventure gaming, and the Tex Murphy series. Nobody flames. Nobody says LOL STFU and GTFO NOOB! And I know we say this all the time. We've all said it time and time again. But the fact that it does get said over and over proves that it is no fluke. It's comfortable to post here and not have to worry if you're gonna stay something stupid.
Of course I get away with that by typing incredibly stupid stuff every once in a while to make it look like it's normal for me.
Well I hope everyone's holiday season was great! I was invited to go to two different turkey dinners, but I politely declined both. I just ... I dislike gatherings anymore. Something about groups of people in the same place makes my heart do cartwheels. Never used to be like that. I get all paranoid about what people are thinking, and then I think they are thinking bad things about me, then I it makes me mad, and like ... the whole time I could be totally wrong. People are starting to annoy me as a society. The way things happen in everyday life. The way the lady at the grocery store says "Have a nice day" in that obviously fake sparkly happy voice she does. I just wanna tell her to shove her nice day.
God I've become mean spirited. The girls at work are convinced if I ever get to be an elderly man, that I'll be the most cantankerous old coot there ever was screaming at young children to get off my damn lawn, and to take their damn pokemon with them.
But anyway. Hi guys.
Jeez I feel like I just made a journal entry. Only people will read it. And strangely that doesn't bother me. Maybe I just want people to hear the madness that consumes me. I want people to understand things from my point of view. I want them to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not evil. I'm not a bad person. But when you're quiet and withdrawn, and hear some of the things that have been coming out of my mouth lately, you wonder. But honestly these feelings I feel of antisocialness, and such ... they all stem from .. you see, I can't answer that question. Most people would just say because your dad died, but I don't think that is it. I dunno maybe it is, but it's just like too cliche for that to be what it is. Every time you go to a shrink, it's always your parents. Maybe I just want to the reason to be rooted in something else, because that way it would be unique.
I was supposed to end this a paragraph ago, but something compels me to keep typing. So I will. I figure if you're were interested in anything Mr. Thomas Malloy had to say, you wouldn't mind, and if you didn't you skipped the post all together anyway. I was thinking I was going insane. Like .. cuckoo nuts .. but someone told me that if you still have cognitive reason enough to think your insane and be worried about it, chances are you're not. So that was good. But somehow, someway, I have my doubts. Tell me ... when I say "Everyone in the world does not have to act like, and be like everyone else in the world and where I live I have the freedom to do what is comfortable for me within the parameters of the law", am I saying that because I believe it, and that being yourself is a freedom that we should all enjoy, or am I just saying it to get out of traditional obligations like Thanksgiving. I just realized I typed obligations. I do feel like it's an obligation, and not a fun activity. It's like ... a tradition that has been around forever and I'm just ... not a stickler for tradition. I think outside the box.
I had someone offer me life insurance the other day, and for some odd reason it just apalled me. To think that you have to pay money to die. That's like ... the weirdest tradition we as humans have. We have to pay someone to put you in a nice box and place you six feet under in a predetermined plot of dirt next to a whole bunch of other people you don't even know. And we accept this as tradition, and don't think of any alternatives when someone dies. Because anything else would be a disgrace of the dead, or something. You don't even dare utter what I want for myself. I told my brother to wrap me up in newspaper, find a bridge and dump me. Now this is a bit extreme and was just a joke when I told him, but seriously, the way I think, when I die ... I'm not gonna really care what happens to the shell I'm in now. It'll be gone to never return. The Egyptians did it because they thought they'd be able to use the body in the next life, or something to that extent, I think. But why do we keep doing it? Is it religion? Is it tradition? Why don't people just bury their own dead in the back yard sans the box? What's the damn difference to them? Do we do it for ourselves so that we may somehow feel better about the whole ordeal?
No I came to the decision that when I die, I want science to have my body. At least the would be the one productive thing I'd be able to contribute to society.
In society we're all consumers. That's the name of the game. Buy and sell. If you think about it, it's all we think about. Every little facet of life, every piece, every little fiber all comes down to money. Some people are creative and contribute in a meaningful way to society, but usually only as a means to make more profit.
Someone once told me that there are snippits of brilliance in my writing. But only snippits. Somehow, like the brilliance is there, but there is a lot of muck in the way, mucking it up.
Maybe I have ADD.
But you know, the main reason why I'm so quiet and withdrawn is because who wants to tell everybody that you're like .. ADD or something. They'll think you're crazy or something. Who knows, I probably am. But you know, crazy isn't all bad.
If you made it this far congratulations you win a free steak!
Peace guys
I got a doggy now though, and it's lifted my spirits.
If I can, I'll see if I can't get a cellphone pic to post on here. He's the cute, but gets into a lot of trouble. And for some odd reason that's just what I needed. Unfortunately it's not what he needs because I lack the firm hand for discipline. So he pretty much gets away with everything with a tongue lashing.
Glad to see you guys's posts. I have read some of them from time to time, but I know I missed a lot. I'd really like to give you an in depth look into my psyche and tell you why I haven't felt like posting, but I couldn't really tell you myself. I have a bad habit of making friends and abandoning them, with no fault from them. A real bad habit.
To any who may feel that way, I apologize, and can offer no real explanation other than sometimes I can become very anti-social. For months at a time. And it's been like this a lot since my father passed.
Now I know when it comes to any other message board out there in internet land that comes with the territory, and a blind eye is turned to people who do that because hey ... it's just a message board after all. But correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought this place was different. You can learn from the incredibly knoweldgeable and wise people here, laugh at the humor of others, and we all shared a passionate love for adventure gaming, and the Tex Murphy series. Nobody flames. Nobody says LOL STFU and GTFO NOOB! And I know we say this all the time. We've all said it time and time again. But the fact that it does get said over and over proves that it is no fluke. It's comfortable to post here and not have to worry if you're gonna stay something stupid.
Of course I get away with that by typing incredibly stupid stuff every once in a while to make it look like it's normal for me.
Well I hope everyone's holiday season was great! I was invited to go to two different turkey dinners, but I politely declined both. I just ... I dislike gatherings anymore. Something about groups of people in the same place makes my heart do cartwheels. Never used to be like that. I get all paranoid about what people are thinking, and then I think they are thinking bad things about me, then I it makes me mad, and like ... the whole time I could be totally wrong. People are starting to annoy me as a society. The way things happen in everyday life. The way the lady at the grocery store says "Have a nice day" in that obviously fake sparkly happy voice she does. I just wanna tell her to shove her nice day.
God I've become mean spirited. The girls at work are convinced if I ever get to be an elderly man, that I'll be the most cantankerous old coot there ever was screaming at young children to get off my damn lawn, and to take their damn pokemon with them.
But anyway. Hi guys.
Jeez I feel like I just made a journal entry. Only people will read it. And strangely that doesn't bother me. Maybe I just want people to hear the madness that consumes me. I want people to understand things from my point of view. I want them to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not evil. I'm not a bad person. But when you're quiet and withdrawn, and hear some of the things that have been coming out of my mouth lately, you wonder. But honestly these feelings I feel of antisocialness, and such ... they all stem from .. you see, I can't answer that question. Most people would just say because your dad died, but I don't think that is it. I dunno maybe it is, but it's just like too cliche for that to be what it is. Every time you go to a shrink, it's always your parents. Maybe I just want to the reason to be rooted in something else, because that way it would be unique.
I was supposed to end this a paragraph ago, but something compels me to keep typing. So I will. I figure if you're were interested in anything Mr. Thomas Malloy had to say, you wouldn't mind, and if you didn't you skipped the post all together anyway. I was thinking I was going insane. Like .. cuckoo nuts .. but someone told me that if you still have cognitive reason enough to think your insane and be worried about it, chances are you're not. So that was good. But somehow, someway, I have my doubts. Tell me ... when I say "Everyone in the world does not have to act like, and be like everyone else in the world and where I live I have the freedom to do what is comfortable for me within the parameters of the law", am I saying that because I believe it, and that being yourself is a freedom that we should all enjoy, or am I just saying it to get out of traditional obligations like Thanksgiving. I just realized I typed obligations. I do feel like it's an obligation, and not a fun activity. It's like ... a tradition that has been around forever and I'm just ... not a stickler for tradition. I think outside the box.
I had someone offer me life insurance the other day, and for some odd reason it just apalled me. To think that you have to pay money to die. That's like ... the weirdest tradition we as humans have. We have to pay someone to put you in a nice box and place you six feet under in a predetermined plot of dirt next to a whole bunch of other people you don't even know. And we accept this as tradition, and don't think of any alternatives when someone dies. Because anything else would be a disgrace of the dead, or something. You don't even dare utter what I want for myself. I told my brother to wrap me up in newspaper, find a bridge and dump me. Now this is a bit extreme and was just a joke when I told him, but seriously, the way I think, when I die ... I'm not gonna really care what happens to the shell I'm in now. It'll be gone to never return. The Egyptians did it because they thought they'd be able to use the body in the next life, or something to that extent, I think. But why do we keep doing it? Is it religion? Is it tradition? Why don't people just bury their own dead in the back yard sans the box? What's the damn difference to them? Do we do it for ourselves so that we may somehow feel better about the whole ordeal?
No I came to the decision that when I die, I want science to have my body. At least the would be the one productive thing I'd be able to contribute to society.
In society we're all consumers. That's the name of the game. Buy and sell. If you think about it, it's all we think about. Every little facet of life, every piece, every little fiber all comes down to money. Some people are creative and contribute in a meaningful way to society, but usually only as a means to make more profit.
Someone once told me that there are snippits of brilliance in my writing. But only snippits. Somehow, like the brilliance is there, but there is a lot of muck in the way, mucking it up.
Maybe I have ADD.
But you know, the main reason why I'm so quiet and withdrawn is because who wants to tell everybody that you're like .. ADD or something. They'll think you're crazy or something. Who knows, I probably am. But you know, crazy isn't all bad.
If you made it this far congratulations you win a free steak!
Peace guys
I'm not fat ... I'm festively plump.
Do I get a free steak?
Seriously, though.
I know why you feel this way..... because the world is just a honking pile of crap.
Society as a whole sucks and people are too dumb to change. I agree that the people on this board are special though. I just did a post a couple of weeks ago on money, where it comes from and where it goes and was quite surprised at the response.
Money is the root of all evil. That is what I think. It isn't people.... it is the environment created by money. The social stratification it creates. That is what you see every day in consumerism.
Many people just pretend to get by......
I think you might benefit from this movie... zeitgeist addendum. It might shed some light on people and why they are the way they are.... also check out Future by Design.
Don't worry, you aren't nuts. You're just starting to see through the fake exterior of what society is. Watch those documentaries and now you can possibly learn why.
Hope you are in better spirits. If you need anything, just shout.
Seriously, though.
I know why you feel this way..... because the world is just a honking pile of crap.
Society as a whole sucks and people are too dumb to change. I agree that the people on this board are special though. I just did a post a couple of weeks ago on money, where it comes from and where it goes and was quite surprised at the response.
Money is the root of all evil. That is what I think. It isn't people.... it is the environment created by money. The social stratification it creates. That is what you see every day in consumerism.
Many people just pretend to get by......
I think you might benefit from this movie... zeitgeist addendum. It might shed some light on people and why they are the way they are.... also check out Future by Design.
Don't worry, you aren't nuts. You're just starting to see through the fake exterior of what society is. Watch those documentaries and now you can possibly learn why.
Hope you are in better spirits. If you need anything, just shout.
Matt
Okay I want my free Steak, I would prefer Outback as apposed to Longhorn, but as long as it is cooked right I guess it won't matter...
Cheer up my friend... Everyone goes through down periods, it's human nature...
As for Thanksgiving, I am an American and quite the Patriot, but I don't celebrate Thanksgiving... All it is, is a Glorified Meal, nothing more {in my opinion}... Whether you want to celebrate something or not is your given right as a human, not just American... And don't let anyone beat you down just because they don't agree with you...
I don't want to get into a debate or argument over death rituals, but again this is your given right as well... You don't have to be put in the ground next to a bunch of people... You can always be cremated, you can donate your body to a medical school, you can donate it for scientific study... Being buried isn't the only option... I intend to have myself encased in glass and put in a personal Mausoleum that I'll have built in the near future... All of it is already planned out just incase I end up dying prematurely by accident or something...
The Ritual with Death is that we normally follow the Decease's last wish, which is usually to be buried or burned or whatever...
Hold your head high my friend... I've read just about every post you've made over the last 2 years and I can say that there is plenty of intelligence in your writing... I would have to say more than just small pieces scattered here and there...
The sad thing about the human race is sometimes people live and then die and their gifts are never experienced by the grand population... Doesn't make that person worth less than the person down the street who did get recognized...
Again, Hold your head high, you are appreciated in more ways than one here by your friends... And we all look forward to each and every post you make... Speaking of which, it's good to see you back on the boards... I hope you stick around for awhile...
Cheer up my friend... Everyone goes through down periods, it's human nature...
As for Thanksgiving, I am an American and quite the Patriot, but I don't celebrate Thanksgiving... All it is, is a Glorified Meal, nothing more {in my opinion}... Whether you want to celebrate something or not is your given right as a human, not just American... And don't let anyone beat you down just because they don't agree with you...
I don't want to get into a debate or argument over death rituals, but again this is your given right as well... You don't have to be put in the ground next to a bunch of people... You can always be cremated, you can donate your body to a medical school, you can donate it for scientific study... Being buried isn't the only option... I intend to have myself encased in glass and put in a personal Mausoleum that I'll have built in the near future... All of it is already planned out just incase I end up dying prematurely by accident or something...
The Ritual with Death is that we normally follow the Decease's last wish, which is usually to be buried or burned or whatever...
Hold your head high my friend... I've read just about every post you've made over the last 2 years and I can say that there is plenty of intelligence in your writing... I would have to say more than just small pieces scattered here and there...
The sad thing about the human race is sometimes people live and then die and their gifts are never experienced by the grand population... Doesn't make that person worth less than the person down the street who did get recognized...
Again, Hold your head high, you are appreciated in more ways than one here by your friends... And we all look forward to each and every post you make... Speaking of which, it's good to see you back on the boards... I hope you stick around for awhile...
The Paved Straight Road, Won't Always Get You Farther Than The Winding Dirt Road...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Finally come crawling back, eh? KISS MY FEET!! KISS THEM NOW! ACCEPT ME AS YOUR ONE TRUE RULER OR I WILL SICC C'THULU ON YOU!!
In other news - you're not the only person in the world with special needs.
I, too, dream of a world with money and the current civilization structure removed. Please insert biblical zombie-plague or post-nuclear conditions here. It would be... Freeing.
But, I learn to live among the flock.
Speaking of weird snippets - here's an idea I've been bouncing around the inside of my head lately:
What if that Large Hadron Collider really somehow opens a black hole in a few years time? The consequences, beyond us killing off our entire sector of our solar system, would be that we'd created a spacial anomaly that would suck in all matter and not even allow light to escape, distorting time itself. And that's the clever bit - distort time. Haven't people been complaining, for the last hundred years at least, that time only seems to go faster? Is time really accelerating? Are we headed for that abyss on the express train? If nothing else, it seems like circumstancial evidence.
I've never been a fan of the idea of destroying the earth. Wiping out our current social structures, maybe, removing civilization, yeah. But not complete actual removal of the sphere itself.
Funny, huh?
Here's another one for ya: What if the reason we create a black hole with that thing is because someone's afraid of what it could do, and tries to sabotage it - inadvertently mixing us up a huge batch of black holey goodness? Ya just never know what's gonna kick the lid offa things.
Aaaaaaaanyway - Glad to see you're still alive, you weird person you! Stick around for some fun! We're all glad you're back.
-Fred
In other news - you're not the only person in the world with special needs.
I, too, dream of a world with money and the current civilization structure removed. Please insert biblical zombie-plague or post-nuclear conditions here. It would be... Freeing.
But, I learn to live among the flock.
Speaking of weird snippets - here's an idea I've been bouncing around the inside of my head lately:
What if that Large Hadron Collider really somehow opens a black hole in a few years time? The consequences, beyond us killing off our entire sector of our solar system, would be that we'd created a spacial anomaly that would suck in all matter and not even allow light to escape, distorting time itself. And that's the clever bit - distort time. Haven't people been complaining, for the last hundred years at least, that time only seems to go faster? Is time really accelerating? Are we headed for that abyss on the express train? If nothing else, it seems like circumstancial evidence.
I've never been a fan of the idea of destroying the earth. Wiping out our current social structures, maybe, removing civilization, yeah. But not complete actual removal of the sphere itself.
Funny, huh?
Here's another one for ya: What if the reason we create a black hole with that thing is because someone's afraid of what it could do, and tries to sabotage it - inadvertently mixing us up a huge batch of black holey goodness? Ya just never know what's gonna kick the lid offa things.
Aaaaaaaanyway - Glad to see you're still alive, you weird person you! Stick around for some fun! We're all glad you're back.
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
Howdy there Fred. Interesting you should bring up the collider thing. I seen bits of pieces of a documentary on it the other day, and being the incredibly "conspiracy theory minded" person that I am, I came up with something in my head I'd like to share. In the video they said something about making the black holes, that it was possible, but they would be very very small and controllable. And this was scientists saying that. How in the hell do they think that they control a black hole, even if it is a small one? They're doing something with this collider that I think they should be doing off the planet somewhere else less dangerous.Fred Buer wrote:Finally come crawling back, eh? KISS MY FEET!! KISS THEM NOW! ACCEPT ME AS YOUR ONE TRUE RULER OR I WILL SICC C'THULU ON YOU!!
In other news - you're not the only person in the world with special needs.
I, too, dream of a world with money and the current civilization structure removed. Please insert biblical zombie-plague or post-nuclear conditions here. It would be... Freeing.
But, I learn to live among the flock.
Speaking of weird snippets - here's an idea I've been bouncing around the inside of my head lately:
What if that Large Hadron Collider really somehow opens a black hole in a few years time? The consequences, beyond us killing off our entire sector of our solar system, would be that we'd created a spacial anomaly that would suck in all matter and not even allow light to escape, distorting time itself. And that's the clever bit - distort time. Haven't people been complaining, for the last hundred years at least, that time only seems to go faster? Is time really accelerating? Are we headed for that abyss on the express train? If nothing else, it seems like circumstancial evidence.
I've never been a fan of the idea of destroying the earth. Wiping out our current social structures, maybe, removing civilization, yeah. But not complete actual removal of the sphere itself.
Funny, huh?
Here's another one for ya: What if the reason we create a black hole with that thing is because someone's afraid of what it could do, and tries to sabotage it - inadvertently mixing us up a huge batch of black holey goodness? Ya just never know what's gonna kick the lid offa things.
Aaaaaaaanyway - Glad to see you're still alive, you weird person you! Stick around for some fun! We're all glad you're back.
-Fred
But that wasn't what I was thinking about. You know the whole hub bub about 2012, and the sun and the earth alligning with the center of the galaxy and crossing into the other plane and the possibility of a pole shift? What if what they're telling us they're doing there is actually a cover up for what they're really doing? I don't know what that could be but maybe they're bringing all the worlds top scientists to this one place to try to save humanity? Eh? What do you think?
And to answer you Jim, yes, I totally agree. That's why even with some of the issues I face, I feel like that even if I run off that I'll be accepted back just like a runaway dog. Tuck my tail between my legs, put my ears down, and look around longingly for affection.
It's hard for me to talk about things to other people. I don't tell my brother my problems, and freakin live with him. So instead I post my problems here, and even then only after I finally feel comfortable enough to do so. I have to have an outlet, you know?
Oh and while I'm thinking about it, I did see Zeitgeist addendum Lestat, and while at the time it opened my eyes to a lot of things, I watched another video on youtube called Zaitgeist debunked or something like that where they had a whole bunch of scholars and professors piece by piece pick apart the whole religion part of the movie, and make a very good case. I'd watch it just to see things from another viewpoint. Documentaries are great, but sometimes it sucks when the people who are making them either make things up, or don't tell you where they got their information. Now the whole part about the guy talking about the world with no money, and everybody being happy ... I vaguely remember that, but I remember that the only problem will be that we'll have to eventually form a world government to do that ... but when we do that, this country and many others are going to have the people protesting and milling about and causing trouble screaming NWO. Hell I'd be one of them, because I couldn't see us losing our sovereignty as a country. You're brought up to be true to your country and flag, you know. It'll be hard to transistion to any form of world government. They're trying right now, but the problems are just too many to name. People in the world like Alex Jones (And not to knock him, because I think he thinks in his heart that he's doing the right thing, and on many of his news stories it's true) are exposing the things the NWO (The New World Order for the uninitiated. Also well known as the Bilderberg Group. Look them up sometime, and see just how all the rich elites are meeting in private, deciding humanitys fate without our say so.) are doing .. like trying to put things in vaccines to make women sterile. I didn't believe it at first until you get linked to some of the stuff he's digged up and you find out that not only is he not lying, but the people doing it are just out there going "Yeah, we're doing it, what of it?" World population increase is a big problem, but because of religion and such it's gonna be hard to do anything about it as well. It's all a big jumbled pile of mess. On the one hand you know that they're trying to act responsibly on behalf of the world population (you hope), but on the other hand, man a little dialouge with the international community would be nice, because with that kind of money and power, who knows what they do in those meetings. The only problem is that they're decided as our NWO leaders not by intelligence or any merit other than wealth and power.
For everyone to be able to think in a new direction for the future of our society, we're gonna have to piece by piece, bullet point by bullet point, convince people why things need to happen a certain way, or we're all doomed. Money should be the first thing to go. And I know when you haven't got any, its real easy to say that.
Just saying "Oh we'll be alright, you're just a doomsdayer ..." .. it doesn't fix the problem. And when the $#it hits the proverbial fan, the people that tried to do things aren't gonna say they told you so ... because they'll probably be dead.
But not now, or even then ... will I ever ... kiss your feet Fred.
I'm not fat ... I'm festively plump.