Hey Jerry, where's your quote from? Did you make it up? It's hilarious 
Best line I've heard all day!
-Fred
Best line I've heard all day!-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
Just one of those one-liners floating around email forwards and the internet. Maybe you'll like another one of these from the particular list I got it from:
* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
* If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
* If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
~ Member: Tex Murphy's Mutant League, Crazy 888's Chapter~
*Revitalizing Old San Francisco's Chandler Avenue District With Style*
(also known as Steve Douglas, but usually by people less awesome than UTMers)
*Revitalizing Old San Francisco's Chandler Avenue District With Style*
(also known as Steve Douglas, but usually by people less awesome than UTMers)
All good ones, but I liked the first one better. As do you, apparently, since it's the one you ended up choosing
For good one-liners, I've always looked to Mark Twain. Here's some of his:
* Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
* Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
* Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
* I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
* Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
* The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
* Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
And my favorite one: "I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction."
What a character.
-Fred
For good one-liners, I've always looked to Mark Twain. Here's some of his:
* Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
* Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
* Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
* I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
* Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
* The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
* Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
And my favorite one: "I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction."
What a character.
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
Heh...those are pretty good. 
Ol' Sam Clemens was certainly overflowing with those witty sorts of remarks.
Ol' Sam Clemens was certainly overflowing with those witty sorts of remarks.~ Member: Tex Murphy's Mutant League, Crazy 888's Chapter~
*Revitalizing Old San Francisco's Chandler Avenue District With Style*
(also known as Steve Douglas, but usually by people less awesome than UTMers)
*Revitalizing Old San Francisco's Chandler Avenue District With Style*
(also known as Steve Douglas, but usually by people less awesome than UTMers)
Good ones guys!
Here are a few more of my favourite quotes:
The technology race is all about man's ability to create bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the universe’s ability to create bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
Light Travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I sat back gazing at the stars, and began to ponder... where the heck is my roof!?
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Wise man say: Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
Wise man say: Pregnant woman running for train is going to miscarriage.
-Cub. =o)
Pretty good, Cub. My favorite is "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."~ Member: Tex Murphy's Mutant League, Crazy 888's Chapter~
*Revitalizing Old San Francisco's Chandler Avenue District With Style*
(also known as Steve Douglas, but usually by people less awesome than UTMers)
*Revitalizing Old San Francisco's Chandler Avenue District With Style*
(also known as Steve Douglas, but usually by people less awesome than UTMers)
"Man who stand on toilet, high on pot."
And since you got away with the man going to Bangkok, I can surely tell you the one about "Man who buy drowned cat, pay for wet pussy."
*cough cough cough*
And now for something completely different!
* I have made but one prayer unto God; 'Make my enemies ridiculous.', and he granted it.
Voltaire. A frenchman with a large repertoir of good quotes. My favorite one is in my sig. Another favorite was the story of when he was on his death-bed, and a priest was coming to give him his last rites. When the priest asked him if he renounced Satan, Voltaire replied
* Now, now, father, this is not the time to be making enemies.
-Fred
And since you got away with the man going to Bangkok, I can surely tell you the one about "Man who buy drowned cat, pay for wet pussy."
*cough cough cough*
And now for something completely different!
* I have made but one prayer unto God; 'Make my enemies ridiculous.', and he granted it.
Voltaire. A frenchman with a large repertoir of good quotes. My favorite one is in my sig. Another favorite was the story of when he was on his death-bed, and a priest was coming to give him his last rites. When the priest asked him if he renounced Satan, Voltaire replied
* Now, now, father, this is not the time to be making enemies.
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
Here are two new Tex-Related Anagrams for all of you (it seems the level of difficulty is rising, perhaps we should start giving out prizes!)
-Hypocrite's ungifted creature
-Yo-ho-ho! Burp to drifter
-Narrowly adept hatred
-Slacking and ace snub
-Bests, Rockefeller
-Hypocrite's ungifted creature
-Yo-ho-ho! Burp to drifter
-Narrowly adept hatred
-Slacking and ace snub
-Bests, Rockefeller
"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do"
"ERROR: Error Code Does Not Indicate An Error"
"ERROR: Error Code Does Not Indicate An Error"
I plan on working on them a little later when I get a year off from all other responsibilities. 
~ Member: Tex Murphy's Mutant League, Crazy 888's Chapter~
*Revitalizing Old San Francisco's Chandler Avenue District With Style*
(also known as Steve Douglas, but usually by people less awesome than UTMers)
*Revitalizing Old San Francisco's Chandler Avenue District With Style*
(also known as Steve Douglas, but usually by people less awesome than UTMers)
Jim, you're so old that when you were a child, the Dead Sea was called the Fountain of Youth
(I made that one up)
-Fred
(I made that one up)
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!