Unofficial Tex Murphy

So let's hear some of your favorites ... Be forewarned, some of these need to be understood from within the context it was uttered from, but I'm sure this a hurdle we can all jump.

Mine come from Pandora Directive
"I didn't know you were bilingual ... el nino"
"I like action .. I like hot steamy action ... right here on my desk ..."
"It's a visitor's pass" (For some odd reason that line always killed me ... when you examine the visitors pass in Autotech ...he says it in such a "duh" way)
"This'll make a great gag .. can you see the look on someone's face when they ... awww sick! Those police dogs were in here!"
"I'll get around to using that when I get in shape"
"You know its so hard to see Uncle Thomas turning into such a horrible zombie of a man" (Said in feigned, horribly done sympathetic almost crying voice)
"If I ever find out who wrote this graffiti, I'll beat him senseless with a pair of wing tips."
"Now here's a pretty rock I found when I was nine"
"Hey! Why's your arm in a sling? Isn't it usually your butt?" (Laugh out loud funny line for me.)
"Any fool can see this gun isn't loaded ..." (When Tex tries to shoot Cross in the bad ending)
"My housekeepers started on prozzak"
"The downy fresh hub of my swinging bachelor pad"
"This must be called ... Sam and Max hit the semi"
"This is where Nilo keeps all of his ... special .. magazines"
"Well looks like Nilo's in for a busy and productive day"
(When you click on the bird on the rusty water tower) "That bird wants to leave a present on my Fedora ... I can just feel it."
"The bricks small faintly of piss and vinegar."
"Nilo says you can see a naked woman in this photo ..but I think Nilo could find a naked woman hidden somewhere on a nickel"
"No way. A gentleman of the old school like myself would never enter the forbidden zone." (Women's bathroom)
"I'd run naked through a nuculer reactor core before I'd step foot in there" (Men's bathroom)
"What a breathtaking view ... " (Outside the window of his computer room, that basically shows a wall and an alley)
"Those barbells would be a good workout if they weren't so darn heavy"

Anymore good ones you can think of?


These are the only ones I can remember right off the bat. I haven't played any of the games in like 5 years, so some of the lines might not be exact quotes. It's these lines, for some odd reason I remember most.

"He was so tight, dogs howled when he passed wind"
"Now that you're single, there's a whole wide world of women just waiting to reject you"
"I've been so broke the past few months I couldn't even pay attention"
"Digging through garbage is one of the really swell fringe benefits of my job"
"Lowell Percival's going to wish he hadn't made me in charge of the Purification Party fireworks"
"Look like someone didn't get enough fibre in his breakfast this morning"
"This picture reminds me of that Star Trek episode where they get this distress signal from a mysterious planet, then Kirk and Spok barely make it out alive, and then Kirk says that funny joke at the end"
"The guy who sold me this said it would improve my sex life... but I can't get it to work"
"Love is like bungee humping, except you can never turn to see if the cord is fastened before you jump"
"No matter how bad things got I always had my gun, now I’ve lost that too. I have a feeling its going to be one of those days"
"This is what remained of the Barney the Dinosaur museum. Everybody refers to this as Barney Rubble."

Tex (To Wanda peck): "I cane by to ask a few more question but first can I just stare at you for a few moments?"
Wanda strokes her leg
Tex: "That’s good"

Leach: "How did you get in here?"
Tex: "Well you dropped you key over at the Cocoa Cabana, so I ran it over just to make sure it got to the right person"
Leach: "Well you're just a regular boy scout aren't ya"
Tex: "Yeah, and now my mum can sow on my breaking and entering patch"

Jackson Cross: "Do you know where you are?"
Tex: "In your office?"
Cross: "Very good, do you know who I work for"
Tex: "I dunno, but its probably an acronym"

My all-time fav Tex quote:
Eddie Ching just told Tex the world would be destroyed in 6 days.
Tex: "You mean to tell me world's gonna end next Thursday? Dammit! I don't get my unemployment check till Friday!"

More...More...I want more...

One of my favorites:
"I'm from the humane association...we've had some complaints about pirahna abuse. Seems to me you've been feeding them nothing but metal boxes...sicko..." From Overseer, talking to Robert Knott.

Yay a Tex Quotes thread.
I remember I started one on the old board (can't remember exactly where) once because Tex has so many great lines! So hilarious and fun! I hope this thread gets a lot of posts :D

Here's some good ones I grabbed and saved though from that old thread:


"Oops" (after destroying something extremely rare and irreplacable within a mere second)

You've gotta be yanking me. A huge building, full of cops... no doughnuts?

*smiling* Hi! Im on a scavenger hunt. Im looking for a spool of thread, a shoehorn, and the answer to a question. Why did Carl Linsky throw himself off the golden gate bridge?

Hey, it Mr. Sloppy-Lasagna-Eater! (Whilst looking at a horror mask with half it's face mauled)

Romance for me has been like a bungee jump, short, fast and expensive

My taste in reading falls somewhere between Spiderman comics and the back of a Cheerios box.

So basically, the older she gets, the better I look.

All I want to do is keep doing things people do when they’re alive.

I am Gandalf, Wielder of Glamdring and Slayer of the Balrog.

I’m on Sinus medication and it makes me loopy.

I don’t care much for clownfish, it tastes funny.

If my clients get killed it’ll reflect poorly on me.

PIs mix with women like orange juice and toothpaste.

I gave up climbing the social ladder years ago – I’m afraid of heights.

I happen to need my left arm – I’m a professional juggler.

Is this about my student loan?

I see you’re enjoying the travesty of my existence.

I once read that thrashing around like a squid on the floor is not a good negotiating posture.

It’s sort of cute in a slash-your-throat, tear-the-meat-off-your-bones kind of way.

Uh, which of my unique abilities are you referring to?

Tex returns the key to Gush Leach...
Gus: "Well you're just a regular boy scout aren't ya?"
Tex: "Yeah, and now my mom gets to sow my breaking and entering patch on!"

This shield reminds me of this aftershave I used to have, 'because being a man doesn't mean you have to smell like one'

I really like these ones:
I think all people who generalise are idiots.

I don't believe in intuition, I don't know why... just a feeling

I was just playing day 1 of UAKM yesterday and I heard a line that I thought was pretty good.

"These garbage cans seem to be in pretty good shape. Too bad nobody uses them"

Also a line I remember from the fight between Tex and Big Jim Slade in Overseer, where Tex says:

"You know, I hope you don't mind me saying this but you are good; you are very very good. Do you give lessons?"

I thought of another one today, as I was looking at my credit report ...

"I guess that means my credit's shot..." (After getting his credit card blown away by zach)