Unofficial Tex Murphy

So I was foolin' around with some married chick, I forget her name. We were havin a pretty swell time, when in comes her muscle head, brain dead, waste of life of a husband. He was pissed, like I killed his dog or somthin, what da hell right?

So I tell him, "Buddy, cool your jets. I was just helpin the lady find her contact lens."

He lunges at me, thank goodness I'm quick though, because, before you know it I'm out the door. Eh, screw her anyway. I got lots a chicks wantin to get there chance you know?

So I stop by Tony's pizza and Tony aint in. So I start grabbin a slice from someones table. They're all like "Hey buddy what's your problem."

I says "My problem is your mother ****** *** *****." Well the guy acts like I just punted his deity over the great Wall of China. Good thing I'm quick though, cause as he is lunging for me, I'm runnin out the door.

Sos then I get home and realize that I locked myself out of my apartment.... What an unlucky day. Wonder how many arms I'm gonna have to break to get back in.

At least you got free pizza.

Oh I kill myself sometimes.

Eh?

-Fred

I guess, sometimes you make your own luck.

Awesome story... nothing worse when all you wanna do is woo the dame, and down a slice but someone is always bustin' your chops. Now, obviously you got back in to your apartment considering you were able to write this story... I am guessing 4 arms, and a ruptured spleen? Dunno how that would've helped, but I've never been one to question providence.

-Cub. =o)

Married Chicks are always the worse... Especially if you're the one Married to her...

Married Chicks are always the worse... Especially if you're the one Married to her...

The name Sylvia come to mind.

LMAO!!!

You are too funny Doc...

At least you didn't lock yourself out...oh sorry!

So I'm pickin up my dry cleanin' at Riffer Ruties Shirts and Suities. I walk in and ask the clerk. "Wheres my f'in clothes."

She gives me a real mean look. Good thing she walked to the back or I would have slapped it right off. So she comes back with my shirt. I see a wrinkle in it. I yell "Whats this f'in wrinkle about?"

She has da nerve to ta say "What wrinkle?"

Sos I grab the shirt and shove it into her face, but ya know, real gentle like. The manager of the store who is build like a cement truck acts like I just pissed on the remains of his burnt down family tree. Good thing I'm quick though, because as he was lunging at me I took my shirt and headed for the door.

Well, my luck, it had started to rain outside. I put the shirt over my 'ead to protect the piece ya know. I run into the closest cab which evidently was already occupied. And let me tell you the guy in hear smells worse than that time I put my athletes foot inside a dead porcupine (long story).

So I tell the guy. Get out of this cab before I scrub your head with a nail gun. My luck...the guy turns out to be an undercover cop. To bad I wasn't quick enough cause he hauled me in for threat to a police officer.

The guys in prison are real nice though. One of them offered to do my hair after dinner. I guess today wasn't so bad.

Positive mental attitude, dude. Or just plain mental

-Fred

Just like The Fonz

I'm proud of you son.

Eyyhhh...

-Fred