I was wondering if someone was going to ask...Cubase wrote:So Baf? What's news!?
-Cub. =o)
The news is, I'm getting a Divorce after 11 years of Marriage and 13 years of Relationship...
The gifts that I was referring to was someone who has stepped out of the dark to help me... Someone who I didn't think in the darkest pit of hell would ever help me... Her own brother...
I've seen this day coming for awhile now and I must say I'm overly joyed that it is finally happening...
My Son will continue to live here with me, while she has already gone to Virginia to live with her mother...
I'll spare the details, because I know most of you don't have that kind of time... lol
But a Divorce is very emotional no matter how badly one wants it or knows that it is for the best... So at times I've been able to just look at the good nature of this community and feel a sense of compassion, even though I've not asked for it at any point...
My parents just celebrated 40 years of Marriage in Hawaii this past Spring... Growing up 2 of my neighbors have both been together over 40 years, another neighbor who was recently widowed was married for over 60...
I didn't know what a "Broken Home" was until I was in the 6th grade... So I didn't get Married thinking "Well I can always get Divorced if I don't like it."... No Marriage is something that you need to work on, but if it is a One Way Street with lots of Road Blocks, then it makes it difficult...
So while at times the Divorce will put me into a slump on occasion, I am definitely more happy that it is happening... My son no longer needs to wake up wondering what his mom and dad will be arguing about today and I no longer need to wake up wondering what the argument is going to be about today...
My son already shows that he is a happier person... You can see it in his actions, you can hear it in his words... He can feel that the Tension that plagued this house has been lifted... She left back in February... He almost immediately showed signs of improvement in school, his grades went up, the behavior reports from his teachers had better marks... He has just shown improvement all around...
I find myself to be more productive... I also feel the Tension in the air to be greatly reduced... But also I feel the death of the marriage... As stated I never contemplated Divorce as a possible outcome... I wasn't raised around it and I didn't believe in it... I also planned to get Married Once and that would be it... But that's okay, it's better for everyone this way...
I can't speak for her happiness, but I certainly know that my son and myself are much happier this way...
And that pretty much wraps it up...
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My sympathies go out for you Baf; although, as you've said, it sounds like this decision is for the better.
Still, the actions of going through a divorce are certainly not pleasant. I've never gone through it, and relationship wise, I can only talk about how difficult it has been for me at times when a few of my relationships (lasting less than a year) came to a bloody, messy end.
I'm glad your son is doing better in school and is doing better emotionally. The fact that both of you are doing well is a good thing.
This community is definitely here for you, and will continue to be. Hang in there and let us know how things are going.
Still, the actions of going through a divorce are certainly not pleasant. I've never gone through it, and relationship wise, I can only talk about how difficult it has been for me at times when a few of my relationships (lasting less than a year) came to a bloody, messy end.
I'm glad your son is doing better in school and is doing better emotionally. The fact that both of you are doing well is a good thing.
This community is definitely here for you, and will continue to be. Hang in there and let us know how things are going.
Can I have her number?
Okay, all manly, masculine and mandatory jests aside, I really am sorry to hear about your current situation. Breaking up is never an easy thing to do, and I can only try to imagine how ending a marriage must feel like. Like previously stated, the boards are here if you need the sympathy and the comraderie and the spirit of togetherness we've all created here. And we share it freely.
So open up, weep a bucket or two, have a bourbon, neat, and suck down a Lucky. Then kick back and rejoice for this is the first day of the rest of your life, and you need to be ready to face it. Now, we can't face it for you, but we can sure as hell back you up with the facin'! Or something.
Glad to hear you're feeling okay about it though, and that your son is thriving. Just remember you've got pals about on the web too. I know you'n me've not seen eye to eye on all things in the past, but as far as I'm concerned that's all been about the little stuff. Sure, you've irked me, and I've probably pissed you off at some point, but hell, different strokes and all that jazz. I'm not the kind of guy to turn my back on anybody and I sure as hell ain't the type to kick a man when he's down. I'm more of an olive branch kinda guy.
What I'm trying to say is... Stick around. I believe we've been a good influence on ya
-Fred
(Disclaimer: I wasn't trying to piss you off Baf, I was, as always, trying to slap a silly grin on your face despite your situation. It's... kinda what I do. Please don't string me up by the eyelids and force me to blink!)
Okay, all manly, masculine and mandatory jests aside, I really am sorry to hear about your current situation. Breaking up is never an easy thing to do, and I can only try to imagine how ending a marriage must feel like. Like previously stated, the boards are here if you need the sympathy and the comraderie and the spirit of togetherness we've all created here. And we share it freely.
So open up, weep a bucket or two, have a bourbon, neat, and suck down a Lucky. Then kick back and rejoice for this is the first day of the rest of your life, and you need to be ready to face it. Now, we can't face it for you, but we can sure as hell back you up with the facin'! Or something.
Glad to hear you're feeling okay about it though, and that your son is thriving. Just remember you've got pals about on the web too. I know you'n me've not seen eye to eye on all things in the past, but as far as I'm concerned that's all been about the little stuff. Sure, you've irked me, and I've probably pissed you off at some point, but hell, different strokes and all that jazz. I'm not the kind of guy to turn my back on anybody and I sure as hell ain't the type to kick a man when he's down. I'm more of an olive branch kinda guy.
What I'm trying to say is... Stick around. I believe we've been a good influence on ya
-Fred
(Disclaimer: I wasn't trying to piss you off Baf, I was, as always, trying to slap a silly grin on your face despite your situation. It's... kinda what I do. Please don't string me up by the eyelids and force me to blink!)
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
Thanks for opening up to us for the update Baf. We can all learn from each other here and are subsequently more open about anything, so its good to see you have reached a point where you are comfortable sharing this with us. While I too think it is very sad news as the breaking up of a marriage is never and easy thing, for all parties involved, I am relieved and happy that you and your son have been able to find a way to cope well with the situation and that you are both looking forward to happy times ahead.
You know Baf that no matter what decision you make we will support you here buddy. And as Fred said: stick around. This place is great to unwind for those D&M sessions!
-Cub. =o)
You know Baf that no matter what decision you make we will support you here buddy. And as Fred said: stick around. This place is great to unwind for those D&M sessions!
-Cub. =o)
I have no intentions of going anywhere... It would feel like such a waste if I were to just up and leave... I know my time is dwarfed by a lot of you, but it's been about a year and a half since I came here... To me that's quite a bit of time...
I've learned quite a bit from being here, no sense in not learning more... ;}
While I haven't seen eye to eye with some, there is a bond stronger than just our interest in Tex Murphy... If that's all it were then I don't think even half of us would be here... That's not to be taken out of context, Tex is certainly Great don't get me wrong on that...
I feel a since of belonging here... I guess in a way like some people do when they go to church...
You can say whatever you want about her Fred you ain't gonna piss me off in the slightest... You're welcome to her number, but I've discovered that if you don't have a Police Record she isn't going to care...
It's a shame, but with some people you just can't offer them a better life, no matter how much you try they just don't want to live in a better world...
But that's okay, it's time to find me a woman who already lives in the same world as I do... That way I don't have to fight trying to help save someone...
It's a shame really too, I mean for the most part she was/is/can be a decent person, but she just couldn't resist the calling of the old life I tried to help her leave behind...
She still sees our son for now, but if she isn't willing to break at least a few habits then I'm going to have no choice but to seek sole custody with very limited or even supervised visitation... Because I simply refuse to allow my son to be around those kinds of influences... And god knows what some of those people are capable of... And I can't take that chance with him...
I really don't want to go that route though, I mean he loves his mother and having a relationship with her is in his better interests, but I won't sacrifice his safety for him to have it...
I've learned quite a bit from being here, no sense in not learning more... ;}
While I haven't seen eye to eye with some, there is a bond stronger than just our interest in Tex Murphy... If that's all it were then I don't think even half of us would be here... That's not to be taken out of context, Tex is certainly Great don't get me wrong on that...
I feel a since of belonging here... I guess in a way like some people do when they go to church...
You can say whatever you want about her Fred you ain't gonna piss me off in the slightest... You're welcome to her number, but I've discovered that if you don't have a Police Record she isn't going to care...
It's a shame, but with some people you just can't offer them a better life, no matter how much you try they just don't want to live in a better world...
But that's okay, it's time to find me a woman who already lives in the same world as I do... That way I don't have to fight trying to help save someone...
It's a shame really too, I mean for the most part she was/is/can be a decent person, but she just couldn't resist the calling of the old life I tried to help her leave behind...
She still sees our son for now, but if she isn't willing to break at least a few habits then I'm going to have no choice but to seek sole custody with very limited or even supervised visitation... Because I simply refuse to allow my son to be around those kinds of influences... And god knows what some of those people are capable of... And I can't take that chance with him...
I really don't want to go that route though, I mean he loves his mother and having a relationship with her is in his better interests, but I won't sacrifice his safety for him to have it...
The Paved Straight Road, Won't Always Get You Farther Than The Winding Dirt Road...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
That said Baf, the most key ingredient in a healthy relationship and a marriage for that matter (in my opinion) is self-respect.
The reason I say this is, you can only respect others if you respect yourself. I've had a fair share of partners whom I had been willing to offer them the world, and (as you said) a better life. But a lot of the time you just can't help some people. You see, someone with self-respect would realise that when you offer them your love and life it is becuase they deserve it. But all too often; for some people being cared for and loved is scary and out of their comfort zone. They feel more at home being treated badly not having someone care for them as much becuase deep down they don't feel they are worth it. In time, you may convince them that they are, or you just have to let them go becuase they end up incapable of trusting in the love you are offering.
It takes a strong man with a lot of self-respect to realise this and to do what you have done. And for that you can always hold your head up high. In time, you will find someone willing to not look a gift horse in the mouth, and accept the love you have to share.
-Cub. =o)
The reason I say this is, you can only respect others if you respect yourself. I've had a fair share of partners whom I had been willing to offer them the world, and (as you said) a better life. But a lot of the time you just can't help some people. You see, someone with self-respect would realise that when you offer them your love and life it is becuase they deserve it. But all too often; for some people being cared for and loved is scary and out of their comfort zone. They feel more at home being treated badly not having someone care for them as much becuase deep down they don't feel they are worth it. In time, you may convince them that they are, or you just have to let them go becuase they end up incapable of trusting in the love you are offering.
It takes a strong man with a lot of self-respect to realise this and to do what you have done. And for that you can always hold your head up high. In time, you will find someone willing to not look a gift horse in the mouth, and accept the love you have to share.
-Cub. =o)
Very True...
I have a few prospects in the Romance department, but until a Judge declares us Legally Separated it can still be looked at as Adultery, so for now I'm keeping my space when it comes to that area...
As I said for the most part she can be a decent person, but she acts more like a 19 year old... She just wants to have fun and doesn't seem to care that she has responsibilities... She needs to face facts that she is now 30... She thinks because she works that she is being grown up enough and doesn't have to worry about anything else... But she just doesn't understand that it doesn't work that way...
And I just can't put up with the impossible fight any more...
I have a few prospects in the Romance department, but until a Judge declares us Legally Separated it can still be looked at as Adultery, so for now I'm keeping my space when it comes to that area...
As I said for the most part she can be a decent person, but she acts more like a 19 year old... She just wants to have fun and doesn't seem to care that she has responsibilities... She needs to face facts that she is now 30... She thinks because she works that she is being grown up enough and doesn't have to worry about anything else... But she just doesn't understand that it doesn't work that way...
And I just can't put up with the impossible fight any more...
The Paved Straight Road, Won't Always Get You Farther Than The Winding Dirt Road...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
I can't really add any further sentiments that have already been stated. But it can't be easy when children are brought into the cross fire. But it's nice to hear that the ending to all of this will be quite optimistic given how well your son seems to be landing on your feet. But, if it's doesn't land as anticipated, let us know. We're all here.
I appreciate you all, thanks...
I've had my son seeing a Therapist since the first time we separated back in 2003, so he has had some good solid talks about everything as well...
I've had my son seeing a Therapist since the first time we separated back in 2003, so he has had some good solid talks about everything as well...
The Paved Straight Road, Won't Always Get You Farther Than The Winding Dirt Road...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
I... was kidding about the phone number, y'know that right?
Glad to hear you've come through the ordeal so far. Be sure and keep us posted, eh?
-Fred
Glad to hear you've come through the ordeal so far. Be sure and keep us posted, eh?
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
You sure you don't want the number??? Something tells me you don't have a police record though, so I'm doubting she would be very interested these days... And the cost of a call from you to her, I can't imagine it would be well worth it... lol
I'm going to a cookout type thing at a Church tonight, that a friend of mine from high school told me about... I'm not much of a church person and I really don't care for all the preaching bit, but I told him I would give it a shot...
As for any kind of update, just in the waiting period right now... She has already been served and papers from my Lawyer have been mailed, she has until August 10th to respond... So it's just a waiting game right now...
I'm going to a cookout type thing at a Church tonight, that a friend of mine from high school told me about... I'm not much of a church person and I really don't care for all the preaching bit, but I told him I would give it a shot...
As for any kind of update, just in the waiting period right now... She has already been served and papers from my Lawyer have been mailed, she has until August 10th to respond... So it's just a waiting game right now...
The Paved Straight Road, Won't Always Get You Farther Than The Winding Dirt Road...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
I've got the number of a shady government agent if you need her taken down fast.
Actually, it's just Frank
-Fred
Actually, it's just Frank
-Fred
Pirates, vampires, zombies, ninjas, ghouls, aliens, goblins, monsters, robots, sorcerers, undead, werewolves, demons, mutated dinosaur-cyborgs and those pesky phone salesmen! The shotgun is a one-size-fits-all solution!
Sorry to hear the news - I've been through a long term break up myself and it's tough. You get the realisation bits, and then the trying to live together and, well, I just hope it all goes as smoothly for you as it can be, and more smoothly than mine went.
We're all here for you if you need us, even to have a bourbon and to be an ear to listen to you.
We're all here for you if you need us, even to have a bourbon and to be an ear to listen to you.
David
Nah I wouldn't ask that of Frank, she isn't worth the effort at this point... Just asking him to come here from Canada is more than I feel she is worth at this point...
Though I wouldn't mind meeting you Frank if you feel like coming down to Maryland... lol
As for my relationship with my son, yeah I think we have a pretty sturdy relationship... I've been the one who has been here... He remembers all too well the last separation and he is seeing more and more how is mother's behavior is when he goes with her for his weekend visits... He's almost to a point where he isn't completely sure he even wants to go...
Though I wouldn't mind meeting you Frank if you feel like coming down to Maryland... lol
As for my relationship with my son, yeah I think we have a pretty sturdy relationship... I've been the one who has been here... He remembers all too well the last separation and he is seeing more and more how is mother's behavior is when he goes with her for his weekend visits... He's almost to a point where he isn't completely sure he even wants to go...
The Paved Straight Road, Won't Always Get You Farther Than The Winding Dirt Road...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...
Can You Run Your Game??? Click Here And Find Out...
*Note, Not All Games Have Been Tested & Therefore May Not Be Listed...