Santa letter exchange:
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas.
I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a
little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the naughty vs. nice contract, set
by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also,
don't you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the afore mentioned
criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no
way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal
action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys
have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger
incident
and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the
exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve
you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like
the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you just be
disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and
we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my
game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? He sees
you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake. Sound
familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that
if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all
over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked
for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your
a** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I will appreciate anything.
Timmy
Timmy,
That's what I thought you little bastard.
Santa
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas.
I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a
little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the naughty vs. nice contract, set
by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also,
don't you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the afore mentioned
criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no
way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal
action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys
have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger
incident
and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the
exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve
you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like
the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you just be
disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and
we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my
game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? He sees
you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake. Sound
familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that
if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all
over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked
for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your
a** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I will appreciate anything.
Timmy
Timmy,
That's what I thought you little bastard.
Santa
