Unofficial Tex Murphy

GRANDMAS DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING



Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"



She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."



Little Tony said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called bunk beds. And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you."

Which reminds me of. . .

Some days later, little Tony asks his mom, "Mom, do you and Daddy have sexual relations?"

Being a modern day mom, after a moment of thought she replies, "Why yes, Tony, we do."

To which Tony asks "So why don't they ever come over for dinner?"

You 2 are just too funny...

That was a cracker Jim!

-Cub. =o)

Peter came home from school & found his mother laying on the lounge having sex with his father,
they explained the situation by " I am just filling your mother with fuel,
young peter then replied "well she must not get many miles to the gallon as uncle fred filled her up this morning

Didn't! Did not! I refuse any and all accusations!

Also, did you ever hear the one about the guy in the insane asylum? Every night, the guard would come to check the lock on his cell door, and every night the inmate would have a new costume on. On wednesday night, he had on a militaristic coat and a large hat. He even had his hand inside his coat lining, posing like that old painting of a certain French emperor.

"You're not Napoleon!" said the guard. "You're just crazy!"

The inmate looked a bit sad, but didn't stop dressing up every evening. On thursday, he was dressed in a larger hat, and bedsheets. In one hand, he held a wooden make-shift scepter.

"You're not the pope!" the guard commented, "You're insane!"

Which gave the inmate an idea. On friday, the guard went to check the cell door as usual. Inside, the inmate was completely naked, with his member hidden in a bowl full of salty peanuts. This gave the guard some pause.

"What're you supposed to be?" he asked the inmate.

The inmate lit up a grin and replied "Oh, didn't you know? I'm f*cking nuts!"

-Fred

Good one, Lynne.

Uh, Fred, you're insane.

What do you call a gay irishmen?
a gaylick.....
what do you call a gay black man?
Samblow.....
What do you call a gay jewish man?
HeBlew........
What do you call a gay polish man?
PoleLick........
What do you call a gay italian man?
A Guinie Co*ksucker.....


I hope no one is offended--- I just heard these today

Well, they're not exactly tasteful jokes. And I realize there's a pun in that statement somewhere, but ignore the wordplay for once. Racism just doesn't fly here.

-Fred

My apologies Mr. Fred.... I understand.... Again I say, I hope no one is offended... And my apologies to the community... Have a Blessed day, all..... PS: If you knew me, you would know I'm not racist, but like I say, I apologize.

Relax grateful, no harm no foul, honest mistake I'm sure...

we are all gay here don't you know that..................LOL

Oh yes, quite true. Lots of joy and making merry.

-Fred

One of the best jokes I've heard in a movie was from "Lost in Space". Granted the movie was mediocre, but I still loved this joke.

"Why did the robot cross the road?"

"Because he was carbon bonded to the chicken."

Totally brilliant and geeky joke. I definitely laughed out loud in the theater. I might have been the only one.